Almost all ex-pats have experience of being ‘left behind’ and likely have just as many ways to cope with this as friends that they have lost. Interestingly, many ex-pats attest to experiencing loss many months before their friends leave. These experiences bring up a great many interesting issues from our childhoods including feelings of loss or abandonment, which can be particularly painful. But what can you actually do for yourself not to just survive these experiences but perhaps to thrive through them?

As you find yourself beginning to read this are you doing so because you are putting off something else? The next task at work, a difficult conversation you have to have, or some housework even? Did you somehow end up reading this article on your way to something else entirely? Whilst everyone may find themselves procrastinating from time to time, not everyone is a procrastinator. 

What are your immediate thoughts when I say I am an ex-pat? Perhaps adventure, courage and ambition are the words that come up in your own mind. What about if I tell you that I am an ex-pat wife, what do you think now? An easy life of coffee mornings, yoga and socialising are perhaps more the connotations. Ex-pat wives are commonly thought of as being privileged as they do not necessarily have to work for the financial stability of the family. Of course both of these are both stereotypes but the reality is that being an ex-pat and being an ex-pat wife are two very different roles and experiences.

Like many of you I tend to binge on my favorite shows, consuming two or more episodes - sometimes entire seasons - at a time. But after a little research I’m beginning to realise that by living this way and making these choices I am cheating myself out of happiness. New research in the field of positive psychology demonstrates that by indulging in life’s little pleasures in smaller doses, or even giving them up for short periods of time, can significantly increase our enjoyment of them.  

When we do not value ourselves and have a poor sense of self-worth the effects on our relationships can be devastating. A lack of self-worth can trap us in bad relationships, sabotage new relationships, and can cause us to feel completely broken when an important relationship come to an end. When we struggle to see our own value and routinely question our self-worth, insecurities can creep in to the ways in which we interact with our partner. Thus the battle against negative self-esteem doesn’t only affect yourself, but it also significantly impacts your romantic relationships.